I am having a mid-writing-life crisis.

The Selene story that I am supposedly so in love with because I love the characters and it makes me happy to write…Well. I’m bored of it. Already. It’s been a week.

So, my prospects for being a real live author when I grow up don’t look so great. I mean, people work on novels for up to or exceeding 15 years. That’s the majority of my life right now. I haven’t done anything my entire life. I mean, I guess I have to wait till I’m a little older to say that with certainty, since the first two years of your life, in my opinion, don’t really count, since you can’t even make your own decisions anyway, except for when to poop and when to cry. Which aren’t even real decisions. Like grow up, okay. You’re not a baby. Except that you are. Idk. Moving on.

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I haven’t done anything for my entire life consistently. I have done piano, harimonium, flute, tae kwon do, Kumon, singing (Hindustani and Karnatic, though not at the same time, thank god). Never took acting. Took gymnastics, though. Tap, jazz, ballet. Bharatnatyam (Indian dance). But I have not done anything for my entire life.

Writing is the one thing in my life that I have done most. I haven’t even read for most of my life, like, as a hobby. I don’t have time. I would rather write. Or watch TV.

I guess I have watched TV all my life. But that’s not noble or awesome, and I don’t count it as a productive hobby.

Basically, I have hit a scary time in my life. I don’t want to write the Se and Sm story. But You better believe that I’m going to write it and I’m going to finish it, even if by the end of the story, I hate Sam and Selene with my entire heart and soul and want to murder them violently. So, I will publish the happy cute story that it’s supposed to be, and then write fanfiction where I Murder them. Because that’s what a sane, mentally healthy person would do.

Basically I am determined to finish this story. And I have already done my writechain for the day because of this blog post BUT I am going to write more for that story anyway because why not.

Writing is hard. No one said life was going to be easy. Or writing. But my life is writing, so same thing. In fact, everyone in the entire world said writing is hard. But at least it’s rewarding. I guess. I don’t know.


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