Fear

I want to write my Selene story but I am scared that’s its going to be bad. The same old fear. I just have to get over it.

I hate the same old thing where I am too afraid to write this story because I want it to be good. It’s a story I really want to write, like its not just for class. It’s for me and those are the hardest stories to write.

My expectations for myself are so much higher than what I perceive teacher’s or just anyone else’s expectations for me are in general. I just, don’t think other people care about what I do, writing or otherwise. If I am writing a novel, who cares? Except me. It won’t affect anyone else until the novel gets published. Even then, it will only affect people who read it.

I mean, I believe in the butterfly effect where everything affects everything else, so everyone is affected by things a little bit. But I mean big affects. It won’t affect people like noticeably except for my family or friends if I am busy writing and not seeing them.

When I write for myself, its so much more special than writing for a class or for a magazine. In the end, writing the Isaura story will be worlds different from writing the Selene story. It’s for different audiences. The Isaura story is for my neighborhood and I have a deadline and the Selene story is literally for me. It’s just for me. When it’s done, I want to read it like I read fanfiction, either staying up late at night to finish it, or at least finish a sizable chunk of it, or just finish it slowly, by reading it during meals, or something. Which makes me sound like an anti-social jerk but this blog is about writing so I tend to think only about writing when in reality I do other stuff besides write. But I can’t really tell you guys that because you think I only write, and don’t have another life besides writing.

It is so much easier to think about stories than to actually write them.

But I am going to do it. Seriously.

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