Over my head

The fact that in 2012 I could write a piece with religious imagery, themes about free will and controlling behavior, and more baffles me. It amazes me. It scared me. What I read, in that document from 2012 completely went over my head. Or, well, it probably grazed the top of my head, maybe made it down to my hairline. But I definitely need to ruminate on that story idea more. There was so much talk of “the merchants are coming.” Are the merchants supposed to be Jesus? I don’t know.

The thing is, these religious/”deep” imagery and themes were important in my life back then, I think. I was trying to figure them out. That’s something I am proud of–I’m proud of myself for writing to figure out stuff in my life.

In a much longer story I wrote (it was 169 pages–the merchant story was 9 pages, for comparison) I noticed that the dialogue of the mother came directly from dialogue from my own mother. Of course you won’t get to read this dialogue because If I ever publish that story for real (tip: I probably won’t even publish that story for real) I will change a lot of stuff. I learned from The Write Practice that when you write real life into your stories, or write a story based about something in your life, you can’t put people in your story exactly as they are. I couldn’t find the exact article 😦 but here is another article about setting that is really good because pretty much everything on the write practice is extremely helpful and useful. 🙂

Basically the article that I was referring to talked about how you can’t put real life directly into fiction because people will get mad, I guess? For example if an author wanted to write about their abusive/controlling dad, then they wouldn’t write a character with a controlling dad, they would write a character with many male family members who had different aspects of the real life dad’s personality.


In that novel, I tried to figure out my entire life story in advance, really. The main character was going away for residency (next step after medical school) and was dealing with problems that I anticipated that I could face, due to the “personality flaws” that I have. Interestingly enough, I do not want to become a doctor anymore, but that doesn’t really matter. I was thinking about something in that time period in my life (should I become a doctor?) and I wrote about it. And now, in 2015, it is great material for me to edit, and possible turn into a novel? For real? For publishing?

On a side note, I wrote that 169-page story for some kind of NaNoWriMo. I actually love NaNoWriMo a lot. I should make a post about why I love NaNoWriMo.

And furthermore, I guess that I actually continue to write about what confuses me about my life/what predominately preoccupies my thoughts. In 2014, my pieces were all very dark and gloomy, about self harm and suicide, and depression.  So, I was writing about real life, and what I was confused about at the time. In 2012, I suppose, I was confused about religion and life, but in 2014, I was confused about myself.

It is too early in 2015 to tell what this year will really be about. I think it will be a good year, though. I look forward to writing a lot, so that I may  look upon my writing in future years, and glean new information about myself, in order to think about myself in new ways.


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