July 2017 Camp NaNoWriMo Daily Word Counts

Day 1: 9004 words/37 pages I will be honest I have no idea  how I calculated that page count because according to my notes, I wrote from page 48 to page 74 (I actually “starting writing this novel” before July, but I will add 50k to it in July). Which, according to math, is 26 pages (27 pages since subtraction doesn’t count the first page or last or whatever. Tee point is, it doesn’t count one of the pages.) Of course I had a great first day, because I basically started at midnight, wrote until 2am, and then went to sleep. And then I basically wrote all day, taking breaks only for eating and going to the bathroom. It’s possible I made one phone call for work. Honestly, I don’t remember.

Day 2: 8004 words Experienced some more Week 1 of NaNo magic and it was awesome.

Day 3: 2001 words I had a graduation party to go to which was really fun but I did not write all evening. Here was also where I was already running out of steam and trying to figure out what scenes I had to write next. It didn’t come “as easily” as Day 1 and Day 2 and then I found my stride, but I just didn’t have as much time as Saturday and Sunday to just “ride the wave” once I found my stride.

Day 4: 4002 words Another pretty slow day. I honestly don’t remember what even happened. Probably watching TV. Also I went out with my family (looked at eyeglasses for my brother, and went grocery shopping with my mom and brother) and then watched a movie (Sing! It was so good!) with my family (mom and brother again.) So my late afternoon/evening was completely gone and I did not write at all.

Day 5: 1000 words I went to a doctors appointment, then came home and ate, then slept for 3 hours, then ate again, then worked out for 2 hours, and then went to my friend’s house (because her family was visiting from out of town) and I came back at like 10 or 10:30 and I wrote 1k words in a #1k30min with @nanowordsprints on Twitter and now I am updating this blog post. I am basically just trying to wait for midnight so I can just add to Day 6’s word count and try to get a big word count on Day 6. I may even reply to a friend (I have been putting off replying, because I thought I needed to focus on writing.) But I am so tired I might just sleep. She asked me advice about writing a romantic scene which makes me so happy. I love when friends ask me for romantic advice, it makes me so happy. And a writer in my cabin asked me how I write my beginnings because she was finding it hard to start. This also made me extremely happy. It’s sad, though, since I already feel dejected and like I am losing steam. I did start a new scene just now and maybe I should at least finish that. Writing 2k words is better than writing 1k words.  I honestly tried so hard to edit this post until midnight but it’s still only 11:30 so I might as well write. Be right back.

Day 6: 2001 words

Day 7: 0 so far as I am updating this page

I am realizing now that I just had exceptionally good luck the first few days: when I had no engagements or commitments so I was able to write literally all day. Then I started having to go to work, and my mom keeps inviting people for dinner, and I do really want to hang out with my friends and have fun with them, since it’s summer and everyone will go to college during the school year. I can always write during the school year if I make it a priority. In theory, I am taking easy classes except for one class that might be hard. And writing one (1) page per day (~333 words) is in no way difficult. It only takes 5 or so minutes, if I go fast. I can write ~2 pages (~666 words for those bad at math also #hailsatan jk) in ~12-15 minutes which is even better. So it is completely feasible to write during the school year, and I don’t have to worry about seeing my friends in July as a bad thing since I won’t be able to see them from September through May. So I have to see them now. Well, I can see them for a few days in December. But still. Anyway.

 

 

My idol/hero Michele/PartlyPixie (who started following this blog??? I am #shook) did this during her year of novels, so I thought it might be fun to do it, too. It’s already kind of automatically recorded on the NaNoWriMo site, but oh well. Also, I am handwriting this month’s NaNo, so that will be some boring transcribing work later.

I wasn’t whether to make this an “official post” or some kind of separate page but for now, this just seems easiest. I will just update this page as it goes on. If official publication dates can be changed, I might make it Jul 31 or even Aug 1.

 


Pre-July Jitters: Why I need to Win

I guess I am also afraid of not winning. Also stems from commitment, I guess.

I am afraid to hit the 30k slump and instead of surmounting it, give up.

The only reason I have that fear is because I have given up too many times. If I never gave up, I would have nothing to fear because how can my own experience lie? If I had never given up, my own experience would have been: I have won NaNo every time I tried.

Not to berate my past self. I found a draft on this blog from 2015. It was like “I won’t hit 50k because I’m stressed” or something. It was really sad. I was clearly not doing okay in 2015. I mean, I am still not entirely “okay” but it’s summer and I don’t have classes and I don’t have to get into college so it should be fine.

image of little  gold cup , concept for winning or success

I want to win NaNo this year because I need to. November will probably be really hard. The school year will probably be really hard. But honestly? It is only hard if I think spending 14-28 hours less on social media/television/streaming/???? per week is hard. Because I really hope I don’t spend 4 hours on social media a day, but combining with when I watch tv while I eat, and when I wake up and do my social media run, and then even today in between starting and finishing this blog post, I spent like 90 minutes scrolling through someone’s twitter, because it was really funny. It was just retweeting Student Problems and Random White Girl Problems or whatever, those popular meme twitter accounts that have thousands (millions?) of followers and honestly it was so awkward because I accidentally liked a really old retweet. I really hope he didn’t get that notification but whatever.

If this goes well, I could do NaNo in August. School doesn’t start till late. If I didn’t want to do it in school, I wouldn’t have to do it in September. But that would be the be easiest month to do it October to December would probably be really hard.

But no matter what I decide to do, I have to win in July. I have to get another win on my record because I can. It’s just a matter of if I will or not. And I don’t want to

Honestly, I want this to go super well so I can finish all the other novels I started. Because even if I don’t do them in August or September, I could do them next summer, May to August. Because they are worth finishing! They were so good that when I got to the part where I stopped writing, I was so mad because I wanted to read more. I wanted to know what happened next. What more could you ask for in a story? That’s not just the bare minimum of a good story, that is a good story.


Pre-July Jitters: 30k Slump

I guess I have more specific fears than “commitment.” They definitely all stem from that, though.

For example, I am so afraid of what I will do when I “run out of ideas.” Or “lose steam.” Or hit that 30k slump and all of that.

But like isn’t everybody? What else is new?

Blurry shadows of people walking towards the camera on the city sidewalk

It’s true, I have given up too many times. It’s also true that if I didn’t have a good reason, I wouldn’t have? I think stress is a good reason. Health comes first. Laziness and just not wanting to isn’t a good reason but at the same time, if I really didn’t want to write it, then I shouldn’t.

The thing is, for me, it’s not one of those cases, so it is kind of bad that I didn’t push through. But I should train myself to push through. That’s a reason I have to win. I have to show myself that I am someone who writes novels because that’s who I want to be. The only reason I am not who I want to be is because I Just don’t do it. It’s just that simple.

I mean, there’s other mental health issues and putting too much pressure on myself and not loving myself, but I can’t wait for that to “get better” before chasing my dream. I have to chase my dream so that I am who I want to be on the outside, and hopefully who I need to be on the inside just shapes up as a result of that.

I am not sure if that’s exactly how that works, but it sounds good. It seems legit.

I am going in “blind” (I say, as I have ~30 pages of handwritten notes ???) (Am I even going to have time to look at those in July). I know like four basic plot points (get together with Not the Right Guy, break up, get together with The Right Guy.) Oh, so that’s only three. And I thought of a new way to derail the story, so that’s exciting. I don’t know whether it’s cheap, but does it matter? All I am doing is getting to 50k. If the protagonist dates 9 guys before The Right Guy, then that’s only 5k per guy. I could do that. I have written 5k fanfiction before. It’s doable. It’s a thing I can do. And in theory there is other stuff happening other than guy stuff. Like girl stuff. Like in a gay way possibly but also in a friendship way. Who knows. Not me. Because I didn’t plan beyond…the crazy “planning” that I did.

Maybe I did some outlining and some creating characters and stuff but I did not outline. Because an idol of mine hates outlining, as I have mentioned in a previous post.

Specifically, what I am scared of within that 30k are normal writer things like, what should the characters do next? How do I create more problems for them? What if I run out of ideas? What if I stop loving the characters?

All fears that just do not seem like legitimate enough reasons to quit NaNo or writing in general. The mind is endless. One does not “run out of ideas.” And it’s NaNo so you can do whatever you want with your novel. You don’t have to write something perfect or good. I guess it would be nice if I didn’t like start writing a completely different novel halfway through, but honestly, if all the same characters are present, then why not? It might be a “different novel” but it’s also figuring out what you wanted to write in the first place, and narrowing your focus, and just learning about yourself, your writing, the characters, the setting, the plot, everything.

The bottom line this year for me is there is nothing to lose in winning NaNo. There is nothing to lose in putting my head down and working hard through the difficult portions of NaNo. But there is everything to gain from winning. Self confidence. Committing to myself and my writing career.  (No matter how fledgling or fetus-like it may be.)


Pre-July Jitters: Commitment

I feel like I have let go of my writing fears after watching Coach Cal’s inspiring ESPN 30 for 30 documentary, but just to make doubly sure that I am over them, I am going to write what they were here, release it into the void of Dark Google (because this blog wouldn’t be found by any other search engine) and be done with it forever. (Or at least this July.) And actually, my “fears” can be whittled down to one statement.

I am afraid of commitment.

Wow, a millennial afraid of commitment? What else is new? // heavy sarcasm

I am afraid of “commitment” because I am afraid of creating this beautiful image in my head and then failing to capture it in words on the page, or even worse, capturing this “beautiful” image but after it’s on the page, it actually turned out to be “dumb” or “lame.” Once I figured this out, I stopped outlining (also after reading this post by one of my long time idols who I recently rediscovered/remembered randomly and actually had a little bit of difficulty finding her blog again. In fact, the whole tag is probably good and important, even if it just says similar things over and over. They are important things to me, and basically what I believe and live by now.) I guess I for sure definitely stopped outlining after my writing professor said it was bad, too. Maybe that’s when I re-stopped outlining, because in that era of my life when I had that professor, I probably hadn’t remembered that blog for 2-4 years. And even if I “don’t outline” my novels now, I ended up outlining this other short(er) story I wrote for a TV I liked, and it was such an amazing idea, but it was such an amazing idea that I was afraid to write it, and ashamed to write it poorly. Which of course is pretty stupid, because I had the idea anyway, so I might as well write it, right? No one else is going to write it (unless I tell someone the idea, or unless they independently had the idea also.) But think about fanfiction. In a way, everyone is writing the same story over and over (at least the romantic fanfictions.) But a lot of people still read a lot of fanfiction because it’s good and they like it. So everyone’s writing matters. I should let myself believe that my writing matters.

Not outlining also lets me write whatever I want and it can’t be bad because anything is better than nothing, so whatever I write is automatically “good.” Because there was nothing to compare it to anyway, so it can be good enough if I say it is (and I should be nice to myself and let myself say it’s good enough.)

And the amazing thing about Camp NaNo is it doesn’t have to be hard in the way that revising is hard. Because, as I learned this year,  revising can be so hard. 2017 really was the year I learned to revise, or at least started revising “for real.” As in overhauling a story and not just making line edits. I guess I did a little revising in my past but it didn’t feel this intense with multiple revisions.

Anyway.

Image result for writing down the bones

And honestly, commitment to myself is something I have to learn in my outside-of-writing-life (haha…) as well. So, I might as well start by committing to my writing since my writing life is my life.

And what is commitment, anyway? Writing a page every day? It doesn’t even have to be related to anything. If I wanted to this NaNo, I could write one page from each of the characters perspectives and just keep alternating and no one would know any differently whether or not it was what I set out do to. And the thing about not outlining is whatever you end up doing is what you set out do because all you set out to do was write something. Amazing, right?

Basically, I have nothing to be afraid of this July. I love writing. I would write no matter what anyway. But now, all I am asking of myself is to be all in. Not be afraid of my dream. And make the dream a reality.

*Nike swish*

 


Camp NaNoWriMo July 2017

Yesterday, I watched ESPN 30 for 30 One and Not Done which is about Coach Calipari. Kentucky basketball is one of my three favorite things in the world (frappuccinos and writing) and when I saw my first commercial for this special, I put it in my calendar. I don’t remember what I was doing that day first came out, but I remembered I missed the first 10-15 minutes of this because I was driving home right when it started (because I didn’t put an hour-before reminder, it was just the default 10 minute reminder. If someone know show to change the default, let me know.) And it aired again last night.

The thing about Coach Cal is he is fearless. He is so self-confident and he did end up achieving what he wanted. It took 20 years. My dreams don’t have to take 20 years, though. I can write a novel this month. I can  write 50,000 words. They are just words. I have written 50,000 words multiple times (sure, just not in one month.) But it can be done. And I am handwriting this time, because a writing professor told me that handwriting lets your brain be more free and creative compared to typing. I already have my notebook ready, and it has a PERLES DRAGON/ET PHÉNIX AU JASMIN sticker on it. It’s a circle and it’s purple with white font and it’s pretty. I already “Started” the novel earlier which is probably for the best, because why wait, but I will write an additional 50k words in July. I basically wrote the opening scene(s) and then stopped because I was afraid.

notebook-bad-quality-sorry.jpg

But no more fear. All NaNo does it get you in the practice of writing everyday. Or having to make up for not writing every day. It’s a slightly heavy penalty, in a way, depending on how fast you write and how busy you are. Most of us don’t easily have 1-4 hours to spare regularly, but that’s NaNo. Put aside the rest of your life for my real goals: writing. 

Here is a Natalie Goldberg quote you have all seen a million times.

This is the practice school of writing. Like running, the more you do it, the better you get at it. Some days you don’t want to run and you resist every step of the three miles, but you do it anyway. You practice whether you want to or not. You don’t wait around for inspiration and a deep desire to run. It’ll never happen, especially if you are out of shape and have been avoiding it. But if you run regularly, you train your mind to cut through or ignore your resistance. You just do it. And in the middle of the run, you love it. When you come to the end, you never want to stop. And you stop, hungry for the next time.

Whenever I see this again, I am guilty. But I want to stop being guilty. I want to really write every day. My problem is I am very “all or nothing” with everything in my life, so it’s so hard for me to “only” write one page a day. Because once I write one page, I want to keep writing, which isn’t really a bad problem to have, unless I have other stuff I need to get done.

But I need to stop being afraid of committing to myself and my dream. So what if I spent one or two hours writing? That’s amazing. That’s really good. There is literally nothing wrong with that. Everything else can wait. And I can’t sleep well anyway. If I sleep well for one or two days, my body doesn’t let me sleep for two more days to make up for it. My body was literally designed to not sleep, or make bad/suboptimal decisions that basically include writing whenever I want because my other engagements can wait.

So, I have decided to do Camp NaNo because I have a novel idea and I need to write a novel. What other reasons could I possibly need?


Photo Prompt: Someone else’s bed

Photo found on Love is Beauty


Photo Prompt #: A different bed

Photo found on Love is Beauty